The pigeons

"No good deed goes unpunished."

I hadn't thought much about what that saying means until yesterday. Yesterday, the day I reached my capacity for the pigeons on my porch.

It started 2 months ago when a sweet mama pigeon decided to lay 2 eggs in one of the plant pots on our porch. We had our reservations about the circle of life starting on our patio, and some friends told us that they can become pests, stink and poop everywhere. But we decided, "What the heck? It'll be fun to see them hatch, see the baby birds grow, and then celebrate with them on the day when they'd leave the nest." More accurately, I thought this would be a good idea. Tyler was skeptical from the start, but I guess my idea won. I kind of wish it hadn't.

I'll tell you which part of this experience WAS exciting. It was neat to see the blue eggs one night, and then the next morning, two baby pigeons. Granted, baby pigeons are...well...not the cutest of all baby animals,

but it was still pretty neat to think about the baby bird pecking its way out of the shell, fighting for freedom, and making it into the world.

What was NOT pretty neat was the next month of pooping and chirping. The poop brought a colony of gnats and flies that were permanently hovering over the pot. The chirping might have been endearing, except that it reminded me of the poop and the flies. What REALLY got me was when I saw a new egg in a different pot. Apparently we became known as the pigeon-friendly patio. But once I found out what diseases are carried in pigeon poop (Histoplasmosis, Cryptococcosis, and Psittacosis, according to http://www.pigeonsbegone.com/pigeon-cleanup) and saw the poop all over the floor of our patio and our pots, their fate was sealed.

That night I shared my frustration with Tyler who decided it was time for the baby pigeons to learn to fly. They'd been flapping all over the patio and their grown-up wings were developed. He was just expediting what I'll bet would have happened in the next few days. He got the broom and gently invited them to try out their wings, both the babies and the three other grown-ups who had decided they liked our porch.* They haven't returned.

And there was much rejoicing.

Upon reflection, the pigeons seemed like a nice idea at the beginning. Sure, I had some idea that they might turn out to be a problem later, but I didn't want to address that when they were sweet blue eggs in a pot. So I allowed space and time for them to grow and develop, which turned out to be a potentially disease-causing nuisance.

How often have I done the same in life? Let a small habit become an addiction, spend way too much time doing things I should have said no to at the beginning, or nurturing habitual unhelpful thoughts that occupy way too much time. Next time, I'd be smart to think about what I'm giving my space, energy and time to. On the front end. So I don't end up with gnats and flies buzzing around on my porch and animal feces everywhere.


*No animals were harmed in this incident.

Epiphany in a Parking Garage

“Should we go or not?”

That’s how our Sunday morning started.

We were already going to be an hour and a half late to the three hour long church service, we were going to mess with our son’s nap time, and yet we decided to go.

We piled into a cab and made the trek downtown to find ourselves in a ballroom of a hotel. Our little guy fell asleep on the way but awoke to the way-too-loud PA system. I decided to leave and try to find a quiet place for him to resume napping. The first try was a bust- a hallway by the bathrooms where clicky shoes, flushing toilets, and chatty voices made sleeping an impossibility. I headed back out the hallway that led into the meeting room, which was full of kids and laughter and a clown making balloon toys.

I kept moving away from people to find myself in the hotel’s parking garage. There was a smoker’s area in the corner with plastic chairs attached to each other,

the kind you see in bus stations or old airports. No smokers though, just empty chairs.

I sat down, holding my finally-sleeping son, and let him continue to rest in peace.
Beads of perspiration began to form on his head, and I could feel myself getting damp with sweat. I sat there indignantly, thinking, “So THIS is where new moms get to sit with their infants during church. This is just great.” I looked around at the parking garage- the oil-stained floor, the accumulation of dirt everywhere. A parking garage.

A place most people don’t give much thought to. It’s pretty much just the place you walk through to get to somewhere else. Unimportant, dirty, inconsequential.

And then it hit me.

Another mother held her baby in a similar place about 2000 years ago.

Her son was born in an unimportant, dirty, inconsequential place because no one else offered them a place to stay. But instead of being smug and self-important, she treasured up the details of her son’s birth and pondered them in her heart.

God, please help me to be more like Mary. I pray my eyes would be open to the treasures and my heart would ponder them in wonder. Thank you that I have something to celebrate at Christmas. Thank you for hope and for entering into our mess. Thank you for the love you've given to me and a new son I get to hold in my arms.

Thanks for this year's Christmas present: an epiphany with my son in a parking garage.

The Infant Honors Program

I can't believe it's happening already.


"Ooh wow- your son is already sleeping for 8 hours straight? That's great!" Something rises in me. A quiet sense of pride that my child has some extra special talent or ability. Sleeping? Really? A talent? I remember hearing conversations like this before I had a kid. I would have an inner dialogue afterwards that went something like, "Wow- those parents must be doing things right. Or that kid must just be extra fantastic. She's probably headed for the Ivy Leagues." When I type it, I realize how ridiculous it sounds, but in the subtlety of conversation or my own thoughts, it's not so clear. My success as a parent and the virtue of my son seems to be determined by how and when he attains developmental milestones.


"I'll pray that it will become easier for you day by day to take care of him." This comment came after my son Asher was unconsolably crying, several times, during a visit with a friend. After hearing this, something in me wanted to say, "But wait- he's a good baby. He was tired and off today, this isn't normal for him. He's not one of those colicky babies." Because if I had a colicky baby, that would feel like I'm an incompetent parent, or Asher is going to grow up to be a difficult child and then a high-maintenance adult.


Why do I do this? Connect my worth to such milestones? I suspect it's because there's something in me that looks to my son to tell me how I'm doing as a mom.


Help me, God, to be the best mom I can be, but to not let my worth ride on how my kid is sleeping or when he starts to crawl or walk.

Mothering. My word. It's harder than anything I've done so far. Harder than moving to and living in Siberia, harder than a marathon, than earning a master's degree, trying to speak Thai, or teaching first graders or middle schoolers. It's also better than anything I've done so far. Nothing has been richer, more beautiful, more demanding, stretching, humbling, or heart-melting. I remember a profound realization I had in the hospital after Asher was born. A huge hidden reservoir of love existed in my heart that I didn't even know I had. I had no idea I had the capacity for this kind of love; I truly didn't know it was there. I've got amazing family and friends, so I didn't have a kid to fill some vacuum of love in my heart. I wasn't looking for love; it was just a delightful surprise. A big one. One that I couldn't have predicted but am so thankful for. As I held him and fed him, I realized I could look at him for minutes that turned into hours. I would tear up just looking at him, marveling at this person- a PERSON- who grew inside of me. This person who I know nothing about personality-wise, interest-wise. This person who only makes my life more complicated and exhausting. And I can't believe how much I love him. What a miracle. I lean into that love when he's crying and I can't get him to stop and and it hurts my ears. I lean into it when I'm spraying poop off of his cloth diapers. Or when my body is tired and sore from feeding him. I'm in awe of mothering and the billions of women who've done it before me or are doing it now, because it's the closest thing I've found yet to humble, selfless love. Well, except for a certain someone who left heaven to come live among us and show us what true selfless love is. I'm bedazzled all the more when I think of God's love, to think of how he loves me even when I'm thankless or just make things more complicated. He loves me no matter what I do for him. As a matter of fact, I think he loves just looking at me, just watching me...just like I enjoy looking at my son. I'll bet He enjoys watching me learn lessons from my little man. About an hour ago, I was holding him, bouncing up and down, rocking him back and forth, watching his eyes get heavier by the minute. He'd start to relax, and then bam- he'd tense up again, arching his back, flexing his legs and arms. His pacifier would fall out of his mouth as I'd whisper, "You're gonna be alright. Everything's ok." He would melt back into me, curving around my middle, ferociously sucking on the pacifier once again, moving towards sleep. I saw myself in my son. How often do I forget the rest available to me in my Creator's embrace? I start to worry about people's opinions of me, finances, the future, health, loved ones. Then I stop and remember who loves me and how He's got me, and I melt back into rest. Man. Who knew my 2 month-old could teach me so much.

It's been a long time...like 5 years or something...since I last posted anything. I guess I could list a gajillion reasons about why that is. Busyness, more important things, getting a little disgusted with self-importance and thinking that what I have to say is worth putting on the internet for everyone to read. I probably felt a little gun shy for offending an Indian gentleman who didn't like my post about India. Maybe the biggest reason for my silence was that a lot of the meaningful parts of my life were being impacted by others, and sharing their stories felt, well, maybe a little violating or exploitive. Like using those pictures of kids who look pitiful and hungry to get people to give money. Only instead of me trying to raise money, I was sometimes sharing those stories to feel like my life was interesting or important. I still don't know what I think about all that, but I know that writing and sharing is important. So here goes. Since I last posted, lots has gone down. Cliff notes version: -3 more years teaching in Bangkok, 3 of the richest I've known. Walking alongside of fellow Jesus-lovers, learning what it means to be Jesus to those around us and to walk in humility as we grow. I saw God at work in the lives of my students and their families, and He grew me up in the process. -I returned to the United States in June 2011 and moved to the great state of Idaho where I completed a master's degree and obtained a license in professional counseling.

-Oh yeah...I got re-acquainted with and fell in love with an old college friend, Tyler Smith. We got married in February 2012 and are expecting the birth of our first little one any day now.

How times have changed! So there it is, my first "getting back in the game" post. More to come.

Vacation with Dani

STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION- PHOTOS TO COME SHORTLY



The last thing that might be super interesting to share with you all was when Danielle came to visit. We split our time between Northern and Southern Thailand. That means we got to go to cooking school,

backpacking,


rent motorcycles and zip around the hills, see beautiful jungles and flower gardens, and get super cheap Thai massages. Lots of them. Then down south we got to ride motorcycles (again- we really liked that part of vacation ☺), snorkel, read, talk, go for runs and walks on the beach, and be wowed and wooed by our God. One of the sweetest times was when Danielle and I each chose to spend time in quiet with God, just asking him to speak and seeing what he would have to say. He led me through three very strategic passages- Esther, 1-2, Nehemiah 1-5, and 1 Corinthians 6 that reminded me of the God-mandate that he was setting forth regarding how I take care of my body with food and exercise. It was a mercy to have him speak to an area of my life in which I had desired breakthrough for so long, but seemed totally unable to manufacture on my own.

Another fantastic aspect of this vacation was all of the incredible time I had with Danielle. She is truly breathtaking, and it was a delight to get to enjoy her for two whole weeks in one of the most delightful countries in the whole world. We laughed, cried, were quiet sometimes, talked, did our own thing sometimes, and shared a lot of experiences together. She is a fantastic travel companion for whom I am well-suited. Time with her was such a gift.

Since she’s left, I’ve been back to the grind at school, but it really hasn’t felt like that. I’ve had an overwhelming sense of thankfulness for what I get to be a part of. It is an amazing privilege to be a Christ-follower in the lives of these little ones, and to continue to volunteer for Nightlight and hope on behalf of those for whom there seems to be such little hope. You can pray alongside of me for breakthrough in ministry, particularly towards women who

A crown of beauty

Isn't she beautiful? A woman at rest who has come to know the heart of God- what is really means to be forgiven much, and so she loves much. This is a woman who works for an Nightlight here in Bangkok. She and all the other ladies who work for Nightlight got to go on a retreat to the beach in which they encountered the heart of God in a way that led to what sounded like an amazing time of worship. My friend Annie who runs Nightlight told me about it- it sounded like one of the more beautiful times of enjoying the heart of God that I've ever heard of. This woman and many like her used to have a job that robbed her of her humanity, but that life isn't what defines her anymore. She is the Beloved- a beautiful woman, adopted into the family of God- a princess. Even on the days when I don't feel super thankful for what I get to be a part of here, I know that there IS much to be thankful for. I get to be a part of God's plan for people. That is awesome. I pray that many more would come to know the beauty and lightness of heart of the lady in this picture:

Come and move, Lord Jesus. Set the captives free. Invite them to know and love you. In your name I pray, Jesus. Amen.

Lots of life

Man- I keep saying I'll do better at keeping up with this blog but never do. It's amazing to me for those of you who still read, even despite my neglect in posting regularly. The other bummer is I didn't take a camera to Uganda, and I haven't received electronic copies of the pictures Rob and Jules yet, so I don't yet have any photographs to share with you. Feel free to look on facebook though- there are pictures posted there. Enough already- I'll quit apologizing and start writing.

A lot of life has happened since I last wrote. I have returned to Bangkok for my third school year of teaching at International Community School, I have completed another course (statistics) in my master's program (professional counseling) and am in process of a new course now (Ethnicity in Counseling- SUPER interesting). Perhaps most interestingly, I got to be with Rob and Jules (my brother and his wife) for almost a month in October. It was fantastic. One of the best months I've ever had. My heart is still reeling a bit from all I saw and experienced with them, and what is was like to have them here. I loved getting to share this beautiful country with them, and the people and places I've come to enjoy so much.



I loved seeing their delight in the amazing aspects of life here like the food- delicious snacks you can buy on the street, amazing fruits and vegetables, and cheap and incredibly flavorful meals. I loved watching Rob teach my students about avalanches- these are kids who many of them have never seen snow- and then letting them play with his avalanche beacons and simulating "rescues" by hiding the beacons in the kids backpacks and allowing them to go look for it. I loved getting to ride public transportation with them and hear them share their thoughts about how quickly you sunburn here and how kind Thai people are. It was a gift to feel more understood by them in the difficult aspects of life here like seeing and being disgusted by some of the exploitive relationships of wealthy foreigners with young beautiful Thai girls. It was just a gift to have them here on so many levels.

Being around them reminded me just how good it feels to get to be around and share life with family. I am still figuring out what to do with that thought regarding next year- if I should stay here and teach for another year or return to the US to do more focused graduate study and get to be near family and my home. Being around family sure feels good.

The climax of our time together was traveling Uganda together on a mission trip with their church. We got to go see where and how God is at work in Kampala and Nansana, Uganda, through an organization called Come Let's Dance. It was breathtaking to see how God is at work and to have my heart captured by and broken for a whole new group of people.

Africa has long in my mind this huge problem that I know is there but I don't really want to do anything about. I realize that I don't really have any sense for how huge the problem is and I feel grossly inadequate to make any significant and lasting change, and so I just don't want to even think about it. It's like the checking account that becomes such a mess that you just want to forget it's there....or the junk drawer/closet/room that you have neglected too long and don't want to deal with. That was Africa to me- this desert that keeps getting water poured into it in the form of finances and manpower, but remains a desert because it's not capable of retaining resources it receives. So I was nervous to go see this mess of a checkbook or closet that is the second-biggest continent, full of beautiful people plagued by malnutrition, HIV, and what I perceived to be inescapable poverty. So my heart was incredibly thankful to see that God IS at work there- that change IS happening- that the Kingdom IS advancing.

I think my favorite thing I got to see was the children's home that was started by Ugandans and is now housing 31 beautiful little people who get to have tastes of what the Kingdom is really like- what the abundant life for which we are intended is really all about. The long-term missionaries planned a dance party for us with the kids. It was absolutely incredible. We showed up at the kids' home and were greeted by hugs and were invited to dance...by the kids! Music was playing and this beautiful little girl with a bright blue dress grabbed my hands and we danced barefoot in the grass- she was my new friend for the evening- little Patricia. Here is a picture of me dancing with her older sister, Sophia.

She fell asleep on me as I held her, which is perhaps one of the most magical things I have ever experienced. She latched onto me, hungry for touch and to be held. It was beautiful, and hauntingly uncomfortable. I just swooped into her life for one night. After we left, she would have to share adult attention with the other 30 kids at the home. It was one of the first moments I can remember that I ached to be a parent- to have a loving, warm and safe home I could invite this little one into. I found out later that Patricia's mom is still alive and that the goal is to reconcile this woman with her children- Patricia had 2 other sisters also at the children's home. It was a beautiful gift to behold, but also heartbreaking...to have malnutrition, poor healthy care, and neglect have a face and a body that grips onto you and doesn't want to let go. Man. Powerful. Beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time.

I also loved hearing amazing stories about empowerment that is happening through micro-lending in one of the slums there in Kampala. Come Let's Dance loans a woman around $70 to start a business that can be sustained in her community- perhaps making samosas or selling charcoal. She pays that money back, and then that capital is loaned to a new woman so the cycle can continue. It is initiated and administered by Ugandans who live in the slums, which is also awesome- to know that resources are going to those who are known by locals to be hard workers and are promising investments. It was awesome to see low-budget, self-sustaining, empowering aid at work. What a gift.

Another super cool part of the trip was a worship night featuring some of the most prominent worship artists in Uganda, Rwanda, and Kenya. The evening itself was powerful and I really feel like it gave me a new vision for the delight and joy of God- how he loves to celebrate and dance- to live whole-heartedly. I think I have much to learn from the Ugandans in that regard.



A final thought on Uganda is what a gift it was to see Rob and Jules in that place.

They are champs. They loved and served whole-heartedly. Tears came quickly for all of us that week, which was beautiful. I felt honored to get to experience that beautiful culture with them. It was such a gift to get to meet their community they get to enjoy in Steamboat. I kind of feel grafted into that family. It's beautiful. :) I also got to meet one of the more amazing groups of missionaries I’ve ever met- the folks who work for Come Let’s Dance and love and serve God whole-heartedly and with gumption in that place. It was awesome to watch.

It's been interesting to be back in Bangkok coming off of two sort of spiritual high experiences- a mission trip to a new land and then a month with family. I've felt a bit discouraged about life in Thailand since Rob and Jules left- missing family, feeling like spiritual hunger is not present here in the same way it is in Uganda (which I know isn't true; it's just what feels true sometimes). It's also been a bit of a drag to get back to normal life without family. I struggle to think about whether to stay here another year in light of these questions and struggles. Those of you who are praying folks can pray about that with me if you're so inclined. The good news, though, is that God's kindness is still near and real. His love can fill and complete me as nothing else can, even when loneliness and heartache are the state of affairs. I was reminded of that this morning when I awoke to a beautiful sunrise and spent time in scripture and worship. So yeah. I continue to hope and to press on in this place I know he has called me to for this season- heart checked in and present. Here we go.

From April to July- my oh my. :)

Good grief- the last time I wrote anything was April. The days tick on and I am now nearing the end of July- almost time to head back to Bangkok for year number three! Crazy! I guess before all of that starts, I'll share a bit of what the last 4 months or so have entailed.

April and May brought the end of another school year. I celebrated the end of the year with good friends and had to say goodbye to a few especially dear ones...namely Jaime, the girl who came over to Thailand with me 2 years ago. It was a time of realizing just how super thankful I am for the family God has entrusted to me in Thailand.

This summer has been a flurry of driving all over Colorado (the best state in the Union :) to connect with dear family and friends. The busyness has been interrupted by sweet and tender moments and conversations with people I love so much, along with dear times I have been able to spend with God.

One of the highlights was going backpacking for 4 days in Never Summer Wilderness with my friend Jenn.






God knocked my socks off with gift after gift, especially designed just for me. I went on a day hike one day with the hopes of seeing fields full of columbines (purple-ish blue flowers) and indian paintbrush (red flowers). I had remembered a particular basin nestled between two huge mountains that was full of such flowers 2 years before, so I set off in hopes of finding the beautiful treasures once again. I found the fields of flowers, but was a bit disappointed to find yellow and white flowers instead of the purple and red ones for which I had hoped. But upon closer examination, I realized that the white and yellow flowers were daisies, which are my favorite flower!






It was a beautiful picture of how God's provisions for me aren't always what I would hope for or quite what I expect, but they are good and beautiful- and uniquely chosen just for me, often in ways more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed of on my own.

I also loved all the time we had just to rest and enjoy the sun setting over the water, and quiet stillness that let my heart rise and allowed me to connect with HIS heart in ways more deep and beautiful than I even knew to hope for. It was a sweet gift.



So yeah- that's a bit of what this summer has been like. I'm excited to return to Thailand for another great year, getting to be a part of his plan for that part of the world. I feel refreshed and ready to go, excited to see what other sweet presents lie in wait for me to discover.

Great Spring break trip

“Indcredible India” was plastered all over the airport and all the tourism brochures and travel agencies I saw as I entered India. Before I left the airport full of brown faces I wondered what I had gotten into, and I had no idea that I would discover how incredibly complex, confusing, overwhelming, diverse, and beautiful India really is.

I stepped out into air that was much cooler than I had left in Thailand- the dry heat there gives the air a chance to cool down when the sun leaves each night. That was a welcome change to the sticky heat that has become normal in Thailand, especially during hot season right now. We got into a taxi cab that looked like it belonged in the UK and headed into crazy traffic full of honking horns, cows, and people everywhere.





Seiks wearing turbans, Muslims wearing clothes that remind me of men’s pajamas, and women wearing beautiful sauris- bright, confident, vibrant colors garnished with flashy bling detail.






Smells on the street in India are as diverse as the people. Smells of sweet and spicy chai followed by fried bread that reminded of my grandma’s doughnuts were interrupted by the smells of diesel, urine, body odor, and dust. My senses were overwhelmed for much of the week.

I traveled there with Kristi and Catherine, 2 colleagues of mine at the school where I teach.


Kristi had a friend named Sarah who lives in Delhi and served as an incredible hostess to us during our time there. She and her roommate Susie warmly welcomed us into their home and shared with us what they had learned of India and it’s people. I learned a bit about arranged marriages, the caste system, and the different religions that have significant numbers of followers in India. As I listened I learned how thankful I am that I was not born as a female in India. Women are traditionally viewed as property there, owned either by their father or their husband. Certainly not all Indians think this way, but many do. Many women are beaten there, and statisticians suspect that far more are beaten than there are cases that are reported. God certainly has blessed me by being born a female in the US- a country where I am able and even encouraged to get a college education and to advocate for myself. What a gift.

So anyway, we stayed in Delhi for 4 days and got to explore that city a bit and the neighboring city of Agra, home to the Taj Mahal. The drive to the Taj was incredible in itself. Our cab shared the four-lane highway with camels pulling carts loaded with stacks of hay 15 feet high; with cows, goats, numerous rickshaws, bikes, and women walking, carrying huge bundles of unknown stuff on their heads. Wild. Then we got the to Taj and it was just as beautiful and impressive as I would have imagined. We just sat and looked at it for a long time. It is perfectly designed- totally symmetrical, and you can enjoy that from many different vantage points- through different corridors and doorways surrounding the actual structure. It was amazing. I’m so thankful I got to see it.



Then we headed Northeast to Nagaland, a Northeastern State of India that is not very similar at all in culture to the rest of India. The Naga people look more Mongolian or Chinese with beautiful almond-shaped eyes and lighter skin. It is an amazing place with an even more amazing story. The Naga people were head hunters about 150 years ago, then a few missionaries showed up, and through them, God loved a whole group of people into relationship with Him. Nagaland is now considered a Christian state, with approximately 90% of the people claiming to be Christians. Though many of the Nagas are Christian only in name rather than having a personal relationship with Christ, it was truly a gift to see what the God can do through the lives of a few Christ followers who obey his call to offer hope to the lost.

My Naga friend named Asha was an incredible hostess to us during our time there. She showed us around Dimapur, the commercial city in Nagaland, and then she took us to her homotown of Kohima, which reminded me of cities I’ve seen in Nepal- houses nestled high on hills, supported by stilts and stacked on top of each other. I ate naga food- rice amnd different kinds of stewed meats and vegetables- with my hands Naga/Indian style ☺ with Asha’s beautiful family. What a gift.





I also got to meet the women Asha works with and serves in Dimapur. They are women left to work as prostitutes, unable to find any other work in a city that doesn’t have enough jobs of all of its inhabitants. They are beautiful women who are having their dignity restored to them by getting to make greeting cards, aprons, and oven mitts.





There is a doctor and a counselor who come and volunteer their services to these women, and each Friday Asha facilitates a time of fellowship for the women to come and gather. They pray together, worship, and share their hearts and needs with one another. It was amazing for me to get to go and see this group of women whose needs are so great and to know that I am in a position to help them. Certainly working as a teacher on my salary, there are many who have more than I, but I am far wealthier than many of these women could ever hope to be. I was made aware of the responsibility I have to meet these women’s needs as I am able and to offer these opportunities to those around me as well.

Travel in India was pretty interesting. We often used these things called autos- big three-wheeled vehichles that have room for 3 small sized people to sit in the back seat and one driver in the front.


We also took taxis, planes and trains. Our train ride is the backdrop for one of the coolest stories I get to tell about God’s perfect provision for his daughters on this trip.

After standing in line and being cut in front of and edged out of the way for about an hour, I finally got to talk to the Indian woman behind plate glass who shouted at me that it was not possible to get air-conditioned seats, that the only things available were in the general class. Well I’m not about snobbery and normally this would be fine, but every travel book and seasoned traveler we consulted strongly discouraged getting general seating on the train, telling us that chances of theft were quite high and sitting quarters were quite close and could be commandeered by aggressive fellow travelers. Needless to say, my heart sunk as I heard that all we could get were the tickets in the general seating area. She told me to go to the ticketing office of the platform to see about getting a seat on the air conditioned train car that had beds. So there I headed, to meet one of the kindest Indian men I have ever encountered- bright white smile against his beautiful brown skin, kind eyes, and starched white uniform. He said he would do what he could to get us a safer and more desirable seat, and advocate he did. When the train finally arrived, he elbowed his way up to the conductor of the train- the guy with a huge printout of all the passengers. Sure enough, he got us 3 beds on the train, and we took off for our next destination.

I think that was one of the coolest pictures of God's nearness to us- how he saw and cared for our situation and advocated for us. It really was something else.

So I guess that's it. Such a gift to go, such a gift to be back in Thailand. Once again, who the heck gets to live like this??

Happy Easter, indeed.

It's been a while since I've last written...and it seems like I'm saying that on just about every post...but it's been a very thick and busy several weeks. It's been good, though- I've enjoyed the Lenten season and feel like God has invited me to press even more deeply into his heart. I've accepted the invitation and it has been good. Really good.

Last weekend I went to my first ever Thai wedding which was a really interesting experience. It was a Thai woman marrying an American man (family friend) and I was the only white female at the wedding. There were several other white guys there with their Thai wives, but that was about it. I felt a bit out of place, but it was an interesting cultural experience, and I hope the best for the couple that got married. Their names are Richard and Nid.


Then this weekend I got to go to a small village near the Burmese border. I actually got to go right up to the border and into the "noman's land" between Thailand and Burma. I was in no danger at all, but I took a picture pretending that I was doing something edgy and cool.




I really went on this trip in order to meet a kid I sponsor through Vision Trust. (Which, by the way, is a fantastic organization. I highly recommend it, especially after seeing their work in action this weekend.) I got to meet 10-year-old Somchat, a Burmese refugee whose dad was partially paralyzed due to a work accident- he was 2 stories up working with electricity, got shocked, and fell to the ground. Somchat's mom left after her husband was paralyzed. So this kid is now living in a children's home where he can get the care that he needs, and I got to go and meet him! I was a little nervous, as this is kind of a weird situation to meet someone who I've only sent a few letters to, whose language I didn't speak, who is obviously different from me in so many ways- age, culture, income, experience, family. I brought him some presents to break the ice- Lego, construction paper, scissors and glue. I found out when I was there that his favorite subject in school is art! How great is that!! He was really good at playing with the Legos- he seems very quick and strong in spatial orientation and putting things together. I felt so thankful and humbled to get to be a part of this kid's life- to get to pray for him and pay for him to go to school and get to hear about God and life and hope, and to open doors of opportunity for him that would otherwise be closed.

Here is us playing with the Legos I brought to him.



The night before I went to meet him, I was listening to a worship song that talked about seeing God's face, and how it is beautiful. And then that night I got to see beautiful Somchat's face- beautiful brown skin, big black eyes, crew cut hair, bright white smile. I remembered the verse that says whatever we do for the least of people we do for Jesus. And I realized that I was getting to behold a reflection of God's beauty in seeing Somchat's face. Incredible. Absolutely incredible.

While I was in the village I also got to meet the local community of believers there and actually attend a very small and simple wedding in the home of one of the local believers. It was beautiful- just two people who were promising their lives to God and one another surrounded by a group of people who cared for them...as well as weirdos like me who were just along for the ride. :) All had fled Burma due to the miserable life they had there. I saw blind and disabled people sitting around this room who were quiet and subdued. I wondered if Burmese are quiet by nature or if things would have been different for them had they not lived in such a fearful and oppressed country for so long. I don't know. All I know is that they were beautiful, beautiful people. They loved each other well, they prayed with reverence and authenticity. They all loved the little children running around the room and smiled warmly when you would look at them. I am privileged to have encountered this group of Christ followers. This trip really felt like one of the coolest Easter presents God could have given to me. I got to meet this amazing group of people who I couldn't understand and who couldn't understand me, but I got to sit in their presence and hear stories from my friends about how God has worked in the people's lives there. I got to see the beautiful face of God in the Burmese people- these ones who have come to know Christ's fellowship of sufferings in a way that I can't even imagine. What a gift. I'm so thankful to have experienced it. What a great way to spend Easter weekend. And tomorrow I'm going to church with dear friends, the little community to which God has entrusted to me here. I'm excited. Happy Easter, indeed.

So it's been a good month or so of being back in Thailand. I have re-acclimated pretty well- I sure enjoyed the snow and cold in Colorado, but running in a tank top and shorts in January is nice too. :) So I'm thankful to be back. It was good to see my friends again after the break, which was a nice thing to realize- that this really is becoming a place where I'm living well.

In school over the last month, we had a Noah's ark themed field day and a 100th day of school party where we all dressed like we were 100 years in the future. Here are some photos for you: We have an alligator, a tiger and Noah in the first picture, and part of my class dressed in future gear in the second.




I've had a really thick weekend that got me thinking about some pretty big stuff. On Friday night I went to visit the bars and a hotel where lots of women from Uzbekistan prostitute themselves. In the bar where Thai women dance in hopes to get a guy to take them home, the bar was absolutely packed full. Normally it is full of guys who you aren't surprised to see there- guys who might have a tough time getting a date in their home country. Not this time, though. The bar was full of good looking 20 and 30 somethings- guys who I might see in church or working at my school or in an office. I was frustrated to see these guys flocking to see these women who needed their money more than wanted their comapnionship. I thought about how there aren't really strip club equivalents for females. I was puzzled and troubled by this seemily world-wide epidemic of men who are getting their needs met in this way...and how many single females fill our churches. I'm not saying I want to end up with a guy who goes to these bars. What i am saying is that I want these men to be honest about their longing to be a man and to discover the true source of where masculinity can be bestowed- from the Father God who created these men and whose heart breaks as he sees them settle for so much less than what he intended for them.

We then went to the hotel that has a restaurant full of Uzbek women, scantily clad and hopeful to work enough to pay back their pimps and have some money leftover to send home. I approached 2 women and tried talking with them- I found out that thye had arrived only 2 days ago. One started talking on her cell phone and the other asked me to not talk with her. I was totally embarrassed and felt rejected and hurt- like a middle school kid in the cafeteria, hoping to not be turned down and failing miserably. My heart being tender anyway, I looked around at all the middle eastern men who were there looking for a good time and was sickened and repulsed by what I saw. I couldn't hold it together as I felt hot tears surge to the surface. My friend Kadie took me to the bathroom, let me cry, and prayed for me. I went home sad that night and woke up sad the next morning. I wondered if I really needed to keep doing this- clearly my heart is tender and affected by the atrocities I see every time I go. But I was reminded of the fact that just because I stop going doesn't mean this stops happening. And since I don't feel released from what God has asked me to do, I keep going, hopeful for breakthrough and that God would lead me to women who are hungry for more than what they are experiencing in these places.

But the really beautiful thing is what happened the next day. I felt prompted to start reading "These Strange Ashes", an autobiographical book by Elisabeth Elliot describing her time as a missioinary in Ecuador. One verse that was particularly powerful to her is found in Isaiah 50:7- "Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame." I found great comfort in reading the story of someone older and wiser than I who has also lived in a dark place and found comfort not from burying or killing her heart, but in trusting in her God and his heart towards her- being confident of what he has asked her to do and to keep going. Such good words. Needed words.

And then on a more fun and light-hearted note, I got to go on a super-fun bicycle tour of Bangkok.



It was called the jungle tour because they took us to this pretty undeveloped part of the city and we got to ride our bikes around for hours, seeing beautiful plants and hear the sounds of jungle-ish sounding birds. What a gift- to be reminded that heartache and brokenness is part of the world, but beauty and redemption are part of it, too. I want to camp out there- to have my eyes open tot he sweet gifts God wants to bring to me, and to wait for them expectantly.

So those are some of the most recent happenings here in my neighborhood. I hope you all are doing well!

Who the heck gets to live like this?

Three days I returned from one incredible gift of a vacation. I got to spend 15 days with dear family and friends in my favorite place in the world: Colorado. God gave me eyes to see just how good I have it when I was putting on my ski goggles and then remembered a month before when I was putting on snorkeling goggles, getting ready to behold the treasures of the Andeman Sea. Who the heck gets to live like this, I thought?
My heart is still overflowing with thankfulness as I recount all the sweet gifts I got to enjoy with my family. Sitting around a cozy cabin in Brek and playing Scrabble with my mom and Darlene, seeing my breath and frozen perfect little snow flakes after not having seen such wonders for 2 years, and zipping down the slopes with my whole family are some of the highlights of my first bit of time in the US. Another fun memory is my first time going off of a fun box in the terrain park at Copper Mountain. Good grief…what I will do when prodded by my brother…
After skiing, our family headed to Oak Creek for Christmas in Rob and Jules’ community. It was such a gift to wake up and shout Christmas carols with my sisters and then go to Rob and Jules’ home for present opening. An ordinary event became magical as I got to sit with my family and watch them open presents rather than talk with them on the phone and imagine them opening presents without me. What a gift to be with the fam at Christmastime. Perhaps my favorite part of the day was when Rob took us for a ride in the ski cat- a gargantuan piece of machinery that plowed through huge drifts of snow and over creek beds long lost under feet of snow. I was so proud to see Rob in action, knowing how to drive and fix these machines. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen trees so heavily laden with snow. We went up Buffalo Pass just outside of Steamboat after a huge storm, and it was ridiculous to see more white than green surrounding us. Incredible. One fun part of my time in Oak Creek was getting to see Oscar, Rob and Jules’ adopted outside kitty-cat. He sure is cute. Here’s a picture for you to enjoy.



The rest of my time at home was spent in Monument. I was so blessed to spend time with a few dear hearts who I love so much- God used this time to sort of re-ground me in reality- reminding me of who I am and what my life is about and what is true. A morning of worship in Vanguard Church and conversations with the folks who knew me best were incredible tools God used to just remind me of who I am and what I want my life to be about. It was powerful.
And the climactic ending of my time there was watching my dear friend of 15 years, Noelle Nygren, become Noelle Goodlin. It was a sweet few days of celebrating Noelle and the significance of her life. Truly it is a significant one. My heart was so full of thankfulness as I thought of the years and memories I’ve shared with Noelle. Who the heck gets to have a friend like that, I kept asking myself. I guess someone who God loves so deeply and wants to bless through people like Noelle Goodlin.
So it was a great time at home and now it’s back to the grind in Bangkok. (What?? Once again, who the heck gets to say that??) My head hit the pillow at 4 am on Wednesday, only to get up off the pillow at 6:30 am in order to work at 7. It’s been a thick couple of days, experience post-vacation let-down a little bit and missing folks at home, but the truth remains that there is so much I have to be thankful for. So I’m doing my best to just enjoy and swim around in THAT reality- that God has given me so many presents and there is so much for which to be thankful.
I went on outreach with Nightlight last night and met 3 new women for whom I now have great hope that life will be different. Nareeva, Osonna, and Om are 3 beautiful women having to do to dehumanizing work. I hope on their behalf that 2008 will be a year of radical life change and redemption. Hope and pray with me on behalf of these women. And if you’d like to give to an organization that is working every day on behalf of thousands of women like them, check out Nightlight’s website. It really is a remarkable organization that I’m so humbled to be a part of.

Livin the dream

I struggle to share what this weekend was like without sounding spoiled. I seriously feel that way...like I have a heavenly Father who just lavishes gifts upon me that I don't deserve. So I share this stuff humbly, not wanting to sound like, "Look at how cool I am and how interesting my life is," but more like, "Man...who is this God who takes such good care of me and graces me with presents more wild and beautiful than I could ever concont on my own?"

So this last weekend I went to Cambodia with my friend Kamyee to run a half-marathon at Angkor, one of the 7 wonders of the ancient world.




On our taxi ride to the town where the ancient ruins are, we shared the road with lots of bicycles, motorcycles with 3 or 4 passengers, even a few ox carts. We were greeted in Siem Reap with beautiful French architecture and delightful cafes. Outside of our guesthouse was an amputee who was selling pirated (photocopied) books trying to make money off the tourists. That was one of the sickening parts of the weekend that I continue to be puzzled and a little bit sad about...how someone like me gets to enjoy a delightful weekend in this beautiful country and enjoy looking at the rice paddies and palm trees, while others who live in Cambodia have had limbs blown off walking through those same fields that I think are so beautiful. I don't know how to reconcile the unfairness of this- how I got to be born in the USA and earn a degree and have all sorts of choices about the job I wanted to have, and this guy is left to sell books to tourists who make more money in a year than what he might see in his whole life. So that was certainly a toughie to chew on when i was there and it continues to trouble my heart as I think about it.

THankfully, though, that wasn't the only overarching theme of the weekend. I was blown away by God's extravagence and beautify throughout the weekend. We rode our bike through the ruins (acutally, we rode on a road that travels from ruin to ruin- about a 10 mile loop). On our ride we got hissed at by a monkey, we saw elephants giving rides to tourists, and I saw huge trees actually growing over ancient ruins.


I saw beautiful Cambodian children who captured my heart in a way that is different than any other people group has effected me. They are BEAUTIFUL. Big smiles, kind eyes, and seemingly sincere. I loved seeing them. And when we ran the half marathon, they stood along the race route, excitedly giving us high fives and encouraging us with the few English phrases they knew. What a sweet gift to run a race in the cool of the morning, through the jungle (on a paved road) among incredible ancient structures.


Who the heck am I that I get to do this stuff?

I enjoyed great conversation all weekend with my dear friend Kamyee. She is fast becoming one of my favorite people here, and she is a delightful travel companion. we made good decisions together and were both up for adventure. When listing our possible options for getting from the airport to the town where the race was (about a 4 hour trip), I suggested the possibility of renting motorcycles to drive ourselves up there. Kamyee paused and cocked her head, giving thoughtful consideration to my suggestion. I later told her that I loved how she even considered driving a motorcycle for 4 hours in Cambodia. She told me that she loved that I even suggested it. :) So yeah- you get the idea of what a fun-loving, down-for-adventure kind of girl Kamyee is. I sure love her.

So I guess that's it. Thanks to those of you who were praying for us. We were totally safe and had an incredible time. Except for being a little chaffed and soar from the race, I'm in good shape and am ready to push hard through these last 11 school days I have. Hip hip hooray! I'll be in the white and fluffy stuff (if Colorado gets any, that is) before i know it. :)

Who's your favorite tour guide in Southeast Asia?

I asked my parents this question on our way back from beautiful Railay Beach and of course the uncontensted answer was me. Even though I'm the only tour guide they've ever had in Southeast Asia... :) None the less, we had a great time riding elephants and tuk tuks (large motorized tricycles that zoom and pollute the streets of Bangkok), marveling at orchids and jutting cliffs that shoot up from emerald and azure water. I've been super encouraged by good conversations with my parents and feel very blessed in general to be able to enjoy their company this week. What a gift. Here are some photos to capture some of the sweetest moments of the trip:

In Chiang Mai (the second largest city in Thailand), one of the highlights was getting to ride the elephants. I don't know what was more fun- seeing how much my parents enjoyed riding the elephant, or getting to ride on the neck of an elephant. I'd always wanted to do that but hadn't gotten to on my last 2 elephant riding trips...my guide wasn't as friendly on the other 2 trips, I guess. But I lucked out this time and got to ride on his neck instead of the little cart thingie! They are super rough with prickly hairs, and they lumber side to side and he would always put his trunk back in the hopes of getting another banana. What amazing creatures.


This is Mom, Dad and me in a Tuk Tuk. On this day wee got to see the Grand Palace (kind of like Thailand's White House) as well as my favorite park, Lumpini Park. Dad came up with the great idea of riding a tuk tuk, which really is a great idea...the pollution and noise just got a little old after the frist 20 minutes or so of the ride. Still, it was a totally Thai thing to do- I'm glad Dad suggested it. :)


This was one of the super beautiful caves we got to see at one of the beaches near Krabi. It is world-renowned for it's incredible rock formations and attracts climbers from all over the place who want to climb these amazing rocks near this beautiful water. What a gift to get to see this stuff, huh?



And here is one of the most beautiful women I know in one of the prettiest places I've yet seen. I so enjoyed conversations with mom and dad and getting to share this beautiful place with them.



I should say that another highlight was getting to take them to school with me for a day. Dad gave a killer lesson on tools (we were talking about the tools the pilgrims used, so Dad got to share with them what tools we use today) and Mom helped them make the cute apple turkey/marshmellow craft that most of us probably made in elementary school. It was a super fun day. I love that they got to meet my students and colleagues and see where I work. They took pictures of this day and I'll try and load some onto the blog as soon as she sends me a disk.

As for now, that it all. Happy Loi Kratong to you all- it is the Thai festival of lights and they are playing crazy loud music outside my room right now which is why I'm writing this instead of sleeping. :) But I'm off to bed now. Thanks for reading!

So we did it! My first international 10K race! Kamyee and I finished along with our friend Kristin. We were sweaty and a little chaffed by the time it was done, but we had a great time. It was a neat (and sort of confusing) experience to do something like this in a place where you can't understand a lot of what is going on. We found out that the women had a different starting line from the men, and we all just sort of blobbed together at the start line- there weren't any waves or anything. We all just counted to 3 and then started running- no gun shots or anything official to get us started, just a runner-led countdown. It was a neat experience- I'm thankful I did it.

Kamyee and I decided to run in a half-marathon in Cambodia in about 3 weeks! I'm feeling a bit under the weather right now, so feel free to pray that I'll be fully recovered and ready to go by December 2. It's at Angkor Wat, one of the 7 wonders of the world- I guess it's this set of ancient ruins that is miles and miles long. We will be running around it, I guess. I'm excited!

In other news, I had a killer birthday. I enjoyed a delightful meal and concert with my friends. God took good care of me- I felt crazy loved and remembered by my friends. Here is a picture of Kristie and me, one of my new dear friends I've made over here.




And the marine corps ball the weekend after my birthday went really well. I got to hear my first ever Asian Elvis Impersonator. :) It was a delightful evening where I felt really elegant and beautiful. The food was incredible, I used like 8 pieces of silverware for dinner, and dancing afterwards was a ton of fun. It was just a great celebration. Here's a picture of Elvis and me.