Man- I keep saying I'll do better at keeping up with this blog but never do. It's amazing to me for those of you who still read, even despite my neglect in posting regularly. The other bummer is I didn't take a camera to Uganda, and I haven't received electronic copies of the pictures Rob and Jules yet, so I don't yet have any photographs to share with you. Feel free to look on facebook though- there are pictures posted there. Enough already- I'll quit apologizing and start writing.
A lot of life has happened since I last wrote. I have returned to Bangkok for my third school year of teaching at International Community School, I have completed another course (statistics) in my master's program (professional counseling) and am in process of a new course now (Ethnicity in Counseling- SUPER interesting). Perhaps most interestingly, I got to be with Rob and Jules (my brother and his wife) for almost a month in October. It was fantastic. One of the best months I've ever had. My heart is still reeling a bit from all I saw and experienced with them, and what is was like to have them here. I loved getting to share this beautiful country with them, and the people and places I've come to enjoy so much.
I loved seeing their delight in the amazing aspects of life here like the food- delicious snacks you can buy on the street, amazing fruits and vegetables, and cheap and incredibly flavorful meals. I loved watching Rob teach my students about avalanches- these are kids who many of them have never seen snow- and then letting them play with his avalanche beacons and simulating "rescues" by hiding the beacons in the kids backpacks and allowing them to go look for it. I loved getting to ride public transportation with them and hear them share their thoughts about how quickly you sunburn here and how kind Thai people are. It was a gift to feel more understood by them in the difficult aspects of life here like seeing and being disgusted by some of the exploitive relationships of wealthy foreigners with young beautiful Thai girls. It was just a gift to have them here on so many levels.
Being around them reminded me just how good it feels to get to be around and share life with family. I am still figuring out what to do with that thought regarding next year- if I should stay here and teach for another year or return to the US to do more focused graduate study and get to be near family and my home. Being around family sure feels good.
The climax of our time together was traveling Uganda together on a mission trip with their church. We got to go see where and how God is at work in Kampala and Nansana, Uganda, through an organization called Come Let's Dance. It was breathtaking to see how God is at work and to have my heart captured by and broken for a whole new group of people.
Africa has long in my mind this huge problem that I know is there but I don't really want to do anything about. I realize that I don't really have any sense for how huge the problem is and I feel grossly inadequate to make any significant and lasting change, and so I just don't want to even think about it. It's like the checking account that becomes such a mess that you just want to forget it's there....or the junk drawer/closet/room that you have neglected too long and don't want to deal with. That was Africa to me- this desert that keeps getting water poured into it in the form of finances and manpower, but remains a desert because it's not capable of retaining resources it receives. So I was nervous to go see this mess of a checkbook or closet that is the second-biggest continent, full of beautiful people plagued by malnutrition, HIV, and what I perceived to be inescapable poverty. So my heart was incredibly thankful to see that God IS at work there- that change IS happening- that the Kingdom IS advancing.
I think my favorite thing I got to see was the children's home that was started by Ugandans and is now housing 31 beautiful little people who get to have tastes of what the Kingdom is really like- what the abundant life for which we are intended is really all about. The long-term missionaries planned a dance party for us with the kids. It was absolutely incredible. We showed up at the kids' home and were greeted by hugs and were invited to dance...by the kids! Music was playing and this beautiful little girl with a bright blue dress grabbed my hands and we danced barefoot in the grass- she was my new friend for the evening- little Patricia. Here is a picture of me dancing with her older sister, Sophia.
She fell asleep on me as I held her, which is perhaps one of the most magical things I have ever experienced. She latched onto me, hungry for touch and to be held. It was beautiful, and hauntingly uncomfortable. I just swooped into her life for one night. After we left, she would have to share adult attention with the other 30 kids at the home. It was one of the first moments I can remember that I ached to be a parent- to have a loving, warm and safe home I could invite this little one into. I found out later that Patricia's mom is still alive and that the goal is to reconcile this woman with her children- Patricia had 2 other sisters also at the children's home. It was a beautiful gift to behold, but also heartbreaking...to have malnutrition, poor healthy care, and neglect have a face and a body that grips onto you and doesn't want to let go. Man. Powerful. Beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time.
I also loved hearing amazing stories about empowerment that is happening through micro-lending in one of the slums there in Kampala. Come Let's Dance loans a woman around $70 to start a business that can be sustained in her community- perhaps making samosas or selling charcoal. She pays that money back, and then that capital is loaned to a new woman so the cycle can continue. It is initiated and administered by Ugandans who live in the slums, which is also awesome- to know that resources are going to those who are known by locals to be hard workers and are promising investments. It was awesome to see low-budget, self-sustaining, empowering aid at work. What a gift.
Another super cool part of the trip was a worship night featuring some of the most prominent worship artists in Uganda, Rwanda, and Kenya. The evening itself was powerful and I really feel like it gave me a new vision for the delight and joy of God- how he loves to celebrate and dance- to live whole-heartedly. I think I have much to learn from the Ugandans in that regard.
A final thought on Uganda is what a gift it was to see Rob and Jules in that place.
They are champs. They loved and served whole-heartedly. Tears came quickly for all of us that week, which was beautiful. I felt honored to get to experience that beautiful culture with them. It was such a gift to get to meet their community they get to enjoy in Steamboat. I kind of feel grafted into that family. It's beautiful. :) I also got to meet one of the more amazing groups of missionaries I’ve ever met- the folks who work for Come Let’s Dance and love and serve God whole-heartedly and with gumption in that place. It was awesome to watch.
It's been interesting to be back in Bangkok coming off of two sort of spiritual high experiences- a mission trip to a new land and then a month with family. I've felt a bit discouraged about life in Thailand since Rob and Jules left- missing family, feeling like spiritual hunger is not present here in the same way it is in Uganda (which I know isn't true; it's just what feels true sometimes). It's also been a bit of a drag to get back to normal life without family. I struggle to think about whether to stay here another year in light of these questions and struggles. Those of you who are praying folks can pray about that with me if you're so inclined. The good news, though, is that God's kindness is still near and real. His love can fill and complete me as nothing else can, even when loneliness and heartache are the state of affairs. I was reminded of that this morning when I awoke to a beautiful sunrise and spent time in scripture and worship. So yeah. I continue to hope and to press on in this place I know he has called me to for this season- heart checked in and present. Here we go.
Isn't she beautiful? A woman at rest who has come to know the heart of God- what is really means to be forgiven much, and so she loves much. This is a woman who works for an Nightlight here in Bangkok. She and all the other ladies who work for Nightlight got to go on a retreat to the beach in which they encountered the heart of God in a way that led to what sounded like an amazing time of worship. My friend Annie who runs Nightlight told me about it- it sounded like one of the more beautiful times of enjoying the heart of God that I've ever heard of. This woman and many like her used to have a job that robbed her of her humanity, but that life isn't what defines her anymore. She is the Beloved- a beautiful woman, adopted into the family of God- a princess. Even on the days when I don't feel super thankful for what I get to be a part of here, I know that there IS much to be thankful for. I get to be a part of God's plan for people. That is awesome. I pray that many more would come to know the beauty and lightness of heart of the lady in this picture:
